Wardrobe Architect: (Wk 1 Part 2 of 3) How My Choice In Jobs And Work Culture Have Shaped My Style + How to Identify a Mismatch Between You and Others.

Happy Friday, Bright Beings! 

Today is post number 2 of my 3 part series for week 1 of the Wardrobe Architect, Making Style More Personal, in 3 different posts.  Yesterday, I wrote about how my Personal History and Philosophies affect my style, fashion sense, and choice in what I sew.   Today, I'm writing about how my choice of jobs and work environments has shaped who I was then and who I choose to be today.  Stay tuned, because tomorrow I will discuss how my hobbies, athletic pursuits, where I live, my dreams of travelling, and my body affect my style.

• History & Philosophy -- Thursday, 8/21
  
• Culture with a focus on Work Environment -- Friday, 8/22   (YOU ARE HERE!)
  
• Activities, Location, and Body -- Saturday 8/23

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In my work history as an engineer, I’ve worked in numerous environments from manufacturing plants and test tracks, to repair shops and around heavy equipment, to a slew of average cubicles and office environments.   

Some jobs the dress code was loosely applied, but I always tried to choose outfits that best represented me and the company.  At other jobs, the dress code was business casual with times when suits were required.  The stricter companies tended toward grey, black, and navy blue colors only.  Color and even prints were a rare occasion and often discouraged, ridiculed, or squelched by shock & fear, followed by the wearer avoiding color in future in favor of fitting in and conforming.  It was strange to experience people fearing color, but it was very real.

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Gwen as Minnie Mouse

I love costumes. I have my whole life.  My mom made us some really fantastic costumes; as a kid, I was Minnie Mouse, A pumpkin, complete with stuffing one year, and Pippi Longstocking another.  She also kept a “dress up” or “costume” box around for us to use.  Even through my college days, I made and wore costumes – Pippi was a repeat that year, a dear and favorite character.  

When I left college and joined the working world, I knew some of my casual style and love of costumes would have to be put aside in favor of company dress codes.  I consciously chose to abide.  What I did not know was tightening and restricting my choices of what was the acceptable “work norm” attire caused a pendulum effect.  I created an imbalance in my wardrobe.  By disallowing or feeling disallowed to wear even bright colors, it was actually disallowing me to express myself. 

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Crane photo by Gwen Gyldenege

 Until I began writing this post, I had only a vague and intangible idea that I was feeling cut off from expressing who I was – a bright, cheerful, rainbow of colors person.  I knew I wanted color, fun prints, silliness, and also to think logically, analyze problems, calculate, teach, and communicate discoveries.  However, in my experience, it was not possible at that time to be myself (both halves art & science) in the stricter business environments.  I didn’t believe it, and evidence always appeared to confirm I should not share myself.  And so, I dressed in navy, grey, black, and olive.  And I felt awful.  I felt like I had a cloud over me, as though I had to live my life in half sadness. 

Today I see that choice to tighten and restrict was always mine.  But at the time I often fell into victim mentality and felt rebellious when I wore just an animal print top or bright colored socks.  I tried to convince others to see my perspective, but my belief that I couldn’t really be me overshadowed everything. 

Photo by Denny Hao Photography

It wasn’t enough to wear jeans and bright t-shirts nights & weekends.  It wasn’t enough to wear bright, wacky printed PJ’s with skulls or cartoon deer on them to bed.  In fact, the restriction pushed my self-expression energy into the world of costuming.  I made wild, glorious costumes, performed in them and threw parties.  I was going to be glamorous – people would see me and think, “Wow! She’s amazing!”  I needed to know and hear that.  

At the time I was belly dancing and performing.  Another “hush, hush”, “ no-no”.  Would I ever be taken seriously if I told a guy at work, fellow engineer or my boss that I was performing in a night club?  Or would they stop seeing me as an intellectual contributor at the office and only see me as some crazy sexy woman?  They probably wouldn’t have thought much of it, raised their eyebrows then returned to themselves and their own woes.  

So, instead of telling, I dreamt up wild belly dance costumes and routines.  I planned a Pirates of the Caribbean party with a dear friend where she drew a map for the invitation, I ripped my curtains down and used them to make my costume, and together we built a 15 ft pirate ship in my front yard of PVC pipe and plastic.  We had a blast! 

Me as a pirate talking to a Madd Maxx costumed party goer while wearing corset, skirt, and bustle I made. The gold fabric was formerly my curtain.

I also began making and selling dreadfalls -  a removable hairpiece that allows one to be corporate during the week and wild woman on the weekends.  It was an extremely creative time in my life.  Plus, I started attending hotrod shows, sketching at the shows and making/wearing outfits for my friends and I at the shows.

Me (L) wearing 1950's frankenpattern dress. My friend (R) wearing 1950's apron wrap dress. I made both dresses.

Me as a water sprite at Faerie Worlds in a costume and hat I made.

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But the costumes weren’t enough.  And, the restrictions and fears began to creep into my home life and affect everything.  I was so afraid to be me.  I was deeply afraid to express myself as the weirdo I know I am.  I was barely holding myself together to be someone for people I'm not sure cared.  And if they did, I couldn't see past the fear to trust that I would be loved.  I needed to love myself and be me all the time, every day – home and work - regardless of any outside opinion.  I needed to freely and regularly express myself regardless of fear (mine or others), but the fear of ridicule, reprimand, or loss of job were overpowering and stifling.  I chose to stay contained for a time.

I’ve changed jobs and now work in an office where most of our clientele is blue-collar. It’s an environment where casual is actually a necessity.  I can wear jeans and polo shirts all the time.  In fact, if I were to be too dressed up, we feel it would put our customers at a dis-ease, feeling uncomfortable.  I wear dresses from time to time, and occasionally dress up in fun prints.  

I could wear some of my obnoxious prints to the office, but out of respect to the company, my peers and the reputation we have built, I choose to keep my work wardrobe simple.  This way, we can all focus on taking care of the customer, not being blinded or distracted by my “wild prints”.  I felt and acted on these same feelings in all my past jobs, but each was colored and skewed by so much fear that I allowed the victim mindset to take over.  Having worked in both restricted and more open environments, I have a much better understanding of why a dress code is important and what it means to the employees, management, customers, and general observer. 

  

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I've also observed that in allowing myself to express how I feel through the clothes I make and wear, I feel less of a pull to make and wear costumes.  I do still love them dearly.  But today I find myself focusing on athletic active wear, dresses, lingerie, and filling the gaps in my wardrobe needs. 

Today I feel more myself than I have for years.  I wear what I want, when I want, in the colors that bring me joy.  I love my wild leggings and quilting cotton print dresses, both things I wouldn't have dared to wear before - as in I wouldn't have dared to be me before.  I still choose to restrict certain things in my wardrobe, but I do so joyfully and with purpose.  And when the victim mindset returns, I bless it, release it (feel it wash away through my body and into the earth), and fill the space with positive thoughts around the situation.  

Having done the dredging and processing work of understanding my feelings, rather than continue to stuff them, I am amazed by how much more room there is in my thoughts and life when the fear no longer reigns.  No one can release it but you.  No one can make you happy.  No one can change you.  You only change when you decide to change. 

Not all environments will suit your needs.  If you find yourself among people who appear to have different values than you, be honest with yourself.  Do not try to reason away their choices and beliefs over yours.  

Feeling a bit like Oil and Water around another person or group of people? (source: bottom of pg)

How to Identify a Mismatch Between You and Others

If you begin to feel uncomfortable, uneasy, or as though you have to restrict any aspect of yourself just to be around them:

• Stop and think.  
  
• If you journal, then write.  If you externally process, then talk to a confidant.  If you exercise, then go for a walk.  Find some way to remove yourself from the situation. 
  
• Restate your goals, dreams, desires, philosophies, needs.  
  
• Then, list what you perceive to be theirs.  
  
• Compare.  
  
• Are you aligned at all?  
  
• Are you aligned enough for you to thrive?  
  

Be honest. For if you’re not and you ignore it, then you’ve a lesson to be learned.  It could very well be that the people you're around are simply from a different tribe, as Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes so elloquently explains in Night Mother.  

It is safe, and possible for you thrive.  You are worthy.  You are capable of finding and creating environments where you and those around you will thrive.  The world needs you to create your joy.  For when you start on yourself with an open, trusting, receptive mind, change occurs. Will you be the change you wish to see?